A cricket bat is an instrument that looks like a baseball bat run over by a steamroller.
Anon |
A pair: a batsman dismissed for a duck in each innings. From the phrase used in French cricket une au-pair- literally 'a woman'.
Tim Brooke-Taylor Cricket Box (1986) |
Cricket is baseball on valium.
Robin Williams |
Cricket is the only game that you can actually put on weight when playing.
Tommy Docherty |
Drink is a serious problem, particularly on cricket tours, for it can be said, without fear of contradiction, that nothing yet devised by man is worse for a sick hangover than a day's cricket in the summer sun.
Michael Parkinson Bats in the Pavilion (1977) |
During England's tour of India - I've done the elephant. I've done the poverty. I might as well go home.
Phil Tufnell (1993) |
| During the 1985 India v England Test in Calcutta - David Gower: Do you want Gatting a foot wider? Chris Cowdrey: No. He'd burst. |
England will win if Camilla Parker bowls.
Australian fans' banner (1995) |
Fred Titmus has two short legs, one of them square.
Brian Johnston |
I am to cricket what Dame Sybil Thorndike is to non-ferrous welding.
Frank Muir |
I don't mind bowling out the rabbits, but that bugger had myxomatosis.
Anon |
I want to play cricket, it doesn't seem to matter if you win or lose.
Meat Loaf |
If Mike Gatting had sworn at the barmaid and sh**ged the Pakistan umpire he'd probably be Chairman of Selectors now.
Nick Hancock They Think It's All Over BBC TV (1995) |
If the Poms bat first, let's tell the taxi to wait.
Australian fans' banner (1995) |
In future, I shall always be able to tell when the cricket season begins. All I have to do is listen to the sound of Brian Close being hit by a cricket ball.
Eric Morecambe (1976) |
It would be extremely difficult for me to choose between singing Elvis Presley songs and scoring a century for England, but I think I would choose a century for England.
Tim Rice (1981) |
Jo the moustachioed Dennis Lillee - Are you aware, Sir, that the last time I saw anything like that on a top lip, the whole herd had to be destroyed.
Eric Morecambe |
Neil Harvey's at slip, with his legs wide apart, waiting for a tickle.
Brian Johnston |
On being asked what he looked forward to most upon returning from a long tour of India - A dry fart!
Phil Edmonds |
On suffering from diarrhoea on tour in India -I just want to get into the middle and get the right sort of runs.
Robin Smith (1993) |
Ray Lindwall has now finished his over, goes over to the umpire, takes his sweater and strides off.
Rex Alston, BBC Radio |
This bowler's like my dog: three short legs and balls that swing each way.
Brian Johnston |
You know Lord's? Well, once I played there and a ball I hit to leg - Struck the umpire's head, stayed there As a nest retains an egg.
Harry Graham Ruthless Rhymes |
